you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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