Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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