My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize