I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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