Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i will never coherently bang her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
