dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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