Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
