My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
