dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
