Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Operation Purity has been aborted
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
