Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am one with the molecules
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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