my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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