had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ketchup is God's man juice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
