I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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