if you like me you must not know who I am
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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