so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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