I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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