you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
