i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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