walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
