I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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