Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
