I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
