Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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