i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
