i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
