I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
