last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
