I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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