Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
