Girls should come with a carfax report
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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