I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
