Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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