just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
