Too much gin, very little bucket
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
