His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
