I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
