I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
