just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
