We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As shirtless as possible
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
