that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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