She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
