We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
