Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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