Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
