dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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