I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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