ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fuck appropriateness.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
