Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
