a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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