Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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