it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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