Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
