Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
