At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
