checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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