remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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