remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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