A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
