he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
