Do vagina's smell?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
