It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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