Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
