I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
