you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
