She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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