he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
