He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
