If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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