Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
