also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
