We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
