fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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